With the exception of a brief respite Wednesday night when I went with a friend to the Toledo Junior Bar Association's annual Gridiron Show, this past week was one of the worst as far as pain, exhaustion and being on the constant edge of an emotional breakdown since before the hernia surgery, or as I lovingly call it, "the day we tried to kill Henry." Henry's aftereffects have been in many ways worse than when he was a daily presence, at least with Henry, when I laid down, the pain went away.
Now, it's a constant horrid burning feeling that at times increases, but never goes away unless I take percocet and I'm not prescribed percocet anymore, in theory because the doctors are concerned about addiction.
I did do a better job at hiding how I felt this week though, as long as I didn't talk to anyone about how I felt. There was one morning when a co-worker started expressing sympathy and I felt the tears well up. For the most part I avoid talking with any of them about how I feel, it's easier to keep a handle on my emotions that way, yes, that's the way I handle it with my family as well. Several of my daughters had drama filled experiences this week that made it harder, creating a pile on effect.
I tried to schedule an appointment for a second opinion on the level of pain I'm feeling, that experience confirmed for me that most of the surgeon offices in Toledo are staffed by people devoid of compassion. Three offices refused to even make an appointment, one did but I was told, "I doubt Dr. Wright will be able to do anything for you, but I guess we can make an appointment for a consultation."
So, yeah ... Dr. Wright's office will be glad to charge me a fee, but don't expect them do anything. I made the appointment but I'm not sure if I'm going to keep it given the fact that if the staff attitude reflects the doctor's attitude it's a waste of time since I'd have to take the bus there, walk a nice distance, and take the bus back since my husband's employer has become jerky about letting him take time off for my medical needs.
I did more research and discovered there is an actual medical term for what I'm experiencing, "inguinal neuritis" and I'm not the only one out there who's blogged about their hernia horror story. There is also at least one Facebook group, "Fighters of Hernia and Pelvic Bladder Sling Mesh Surgery." At least this confirms for me that I'm not alone, though it's really disheartening to see so many other people have been left to deal with pain because our medical system doesn't appear to care. This is in part because of the physicians who have prescribed narcotics for those who really didn't need them, it's unintended consequence has been that those who truly do need narcotic pain relief are treated as if they are addicts looking for a buzz.
Something as simple as trying to get into a local pain clinic is ridiculous. It's easier to get a mortgage than it is to get into a pain clinic. If you had the cooperation of the surgeon who did your surgery, chances are you wouldn't need the pain clinic ...
As part of the research, I started looking for treatment options, since it's clear getting the pain relief that will work is not going to happen, there had to be something that others have tried that might work.
Armed with that research, I went to my family doctor on Saturday, vowing not to cry. Well, I cried, Saturday was a really emotional day, I was still tired and most of all, I am sooo tired of being in pain. We had the whole narcotic drug discussion again ... Then I shared what I had researched, I know my family doctor gets it, and that compared to the other doctors that actually created the situation I'm in, he's great but that has not made my life any easier.
He did listen and we did create an action plan, we are trying what my research indicates other patients in similar pain situations have tried, tramadol and tizanidine, which is a non-narcotic pain pill and a muscle relaxer. While it's not like percocet as far as pain relief, it is better than the vicodin and better than nothing, we may add an anti-depressant, there are some that have been shown to reduce pain from nerves and if it doesn't work at all, then on to another type of medication, like Neurontin, originally designed to prevent seizures, but that has been found to help with nerve pain.
I did sleep last night and woke up feeling a little refreshed which has not happened for some time, so I'm trying to be optimistic that this may work as we wait to see if I'm one of those who's pain goes away within a year of if I'm one of those who will be dealing with this for the rest of my life.
It sounds from the research I've been reading that's been done, removing the mesh alone would not fix the problem, if it ends up being a surgical procedure it would have to be on the nerves. Not promising ....
More later on some of the past, this week the present was a bigger issue.
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