Pain, pain, go away

With the exception of  a brief respite Wednesday night when I went with a friend to the Toledo Junior Bar Association's annual Gridiron Show, this past week was one of the worst as far as pain, exhaustion and being on the constant edge of an emotional breakdown since before the hernia surgery, or as I lovingly call it, "the day we tried to kill Henry."  Henry's aftereffects have been in many ways worse than when he was a daily presence, at least with Henry, when I laid down, the pain went away.

Now, it's a constant horrid burning feeling that at times increases, but never goes away unless I take percocet and I'm not prescribed percocet anymore, in theory because the doctors are concerned about addiction.

I did do a better job at hiding how I felt this week though, as long as I didn't talk to anyone about how I felt.  There was one morning when a co-worker started expressing sympathy and I felt the tears well up.  For the most part I avoid talking with any of them about how I feel, it's easier to keep a handle on my emotions that way, yes, that's the way I handle it with my family as well.  Several of my daughters had drama filled experiences this week that made it harder, creating a pile on effect.

I tried to schedule an appointment for a second opinion on the level of pain I'm feeling, that experience confirmed for me that most of the surgeon offices in Toledo are staffed by people devoid of compassion.  Three offices refused to even make an appointment, one did but I was told, "I doubt Dr. Wright will be able to do anything for you, but I guess we can make an appointment for a consultation."

Just give it time ... It will get better

I have come to hate that sentence, after more than two years of being in pain, I don't believe it and I have found that the doctors I've come into contact with, with the exception of my family doctor, who until recently did try to help, don't care if their patients are in pain.

I've also learned that my ability to keep functioning, or at least trying to function, through the pain appears to make them less likely to care.  To quote Dr. Dziad the last time I saw him and expressed to him how bad the pain was and how it was impacting my life, "Just take Motrin."

As my family doctor expressed, the concern is that I'll become addicted.  Which is the most assine thing I've ever heard, since if after two years of taking narcotic pain pills and having to take larger doses, if I was going to be an addict I would have already been one.  I was and still am living with pain every day, only taking the pills when I couldn't take it any longer for that day.

Giving me a narcotic pain pill that doesn't work because it's too weak is basically the same thing as telling me to take Motrin.

Which is another reason for this blog, I don't tell many people what's going on, I try to fake it and most days I fake it rather well, few of the people I work with realize how much pain I'm still in.  Nor do I post about the pain on Facebook, I don't want to be that whiny ass person on Facebook who is always complaining about their life.

When people notice I'm in pain, I realize I need to try harder to fake it ... Until I get home.

Why and who's Henry?

This is not my online attempt to garner sympathy or pity, there are those in the world going through much more than I have and those who are facing much greater challenges. My goal is to help prevent for others some of the things that happened to me through doctors not giving complete information so that maybe, just maybe, someone else will be able to make better informed decisions or at minimum, ask questions. At age 49 my menstrual periods began to get worse, by age 50 I was bleeding for days on end, passing large clots. The exact diagnosis was menorrhagia, which created a low hemoglobin count, weakness, pain and anemia.

Enter mistake number one...Dr. Kristel L. Ward (no relation).

I went to Dr. Ward because she was recommended by several friends. They said she was compassionate, caring and would help. She did not appear very sympathetic about the pain aspect, nor did she offer any pharmacological options (which I found out later existed). She recommended an ablation, not a water based one but a mesh one, the water method was never mentioned, nor was the data that suggests a water ablation decreases the chance that the uterus will react negatively to the ablation.

Putting it simply, a water ablation tends to not piss off your uterus and if the first one is not completely a success can be repeated, the mesh version where mesh is inserted into your uterus and basically electricity blasts off the uterus lining, is a one shot deal. I was told to expect cramping after the ablation. What I did not expect was the almost immediate failure of the ablation to control the heavy bleeding and the pain was actually worse after the ablation than before.